


Forever?

by LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-24 00:45:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12001398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou/pseuds/LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou
Summary: Watching his son sleep, Alec is forced to face feelings he's ignored about his mortality.





	Forever?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. I saw somewhere that someone believed Alec wouldn't choose to be immortal because of his siblings. I found that short-sighted. People's decisions change as their lives change. 
> 
> Thanks for reading <3

Alec was sitting next to his son’s bed. The boy had trouble sleeping. Alec loved his son; taking care of him wasn’t a chore. Thoughts of his younger brother flashed through his mind. His son's namesake. Their parents' gave the impression they were a burden. He'd never feel that way about his children. 

Max Michael Lightwood-Bane was a year and a half. His birth mother abandoned him. The shadowhunter couldn’t understand how someone could leave their child. Alec tried to refrain from judgment; fear made people do strange things. When Max first called Alec, Dad, he was sure that his heart exploded. He couldn't pronounce it properly, but that made it more endearing. 

The intensity of love Alec felt for the little blueberry was overwhelming. Every smile brightened the room. His cries cut him to the bone. Max had Alec wrapped around his little blue finger. Warlocks had a way of worming their way into his heart. 

One day, Alec would have to leave the two people he loved the most behind. He loved his siblings and parents, but this love was different. Izzy and Jace had lives of their own. They didn't require his protection. Alec glanced down at boy sleeping next to him and knew he would destroy any soul who dared harm him. He didn't like that 100 years from now he wouldn't be around to protect his immortal son or his fiancé. 

Max whimpered in his sleep. He was tossing and turning under the high thread count sheets Magnus insisted on. Only the best for their son. Alec picked the boy up into his arms letting the boy snuggle into his chest. He was sure the little warlock was trying to overwhelm him; like his magical father. Alec kissed Max's forehead, lulling him to sleep in the oak rocking chair. A sad smile appeared on Alec's lips. 

"I don't want to go," Alec whispered to the sky.

Immortality was nothing new to him. He almost let it keep him from being with Magnus. Alec hated the idea of leaving Magnus one day but now that Max was in the picture; it hurt him even more. Max snuggled deeper into his father's arms as if he could sense Alec's distress. Alec let out an emotional chuckle. 

"Don't worry, blueberry. Dad will always be with you. I'm not sure how but I won't leave you and Papa behind." 

The determination in his voice surprised Alec. He considered immortality when he realized how much he loved Magnus but told no one. The shadowhunter needed to bounce his thoughts off someone. Alec put Max back into his bed and grabbed his phone from his pocket. He walked towards the couch while he scrolled through his contacts. Who could he talk to? 

As Alec sat on the couch he stopped on his sister's name. Izzy always knew what to say; next to Magnus, she knew him better than anyone. Glancing at the clock, he decided to text her to make sure she was awake. She was a night owl from birth.

To Izzy: Are you busy? I need to talk to someone. 

From Izzy: What's up, Big Brother? Is something wrong with Max? Or Magnus?

To Izzy: Don't worry. Nothing is wrong with your nephew. I was holding him and wait, can I call you? This is too important to message. 

Alec answered the call the minute Izzy's picture popped on his screen. 

"Iz, thanks." 

"Alec, you're my brother. One that never asks for help. Of course, I'd drop anything to help you. So, what is on your mind?" 

Alec paused for a moment. This was an important topic. He wasn't asking for a restaurant recommendation or suggestion for an anniversary gift. 

"I want to become immortal," Alec blurts out. He heard Izzy gasp in response. So much for finesse. 

"Alec, this is big. You've never shown interest in immortality. Why now?" 

He sighed, "I've had interest. I wasn't sure if it was because of Magnus or something I wanted." 

"That doesn't answer the question, why now? If you become immortal, you must watch the ones you love die."

"I know that. Magnus doesn't hold back when he talks about how hard it is to love mortals. I sit there and hold him, thinking how I never want to cause him that pain. I don't know how to express the desire to stay by his side forever. He'd assume I was doing it for him. The fear I'd resent him," He paused, "Izzy. Tonight, I was holding Max; looking into his adorable face. It was like a punch to the gut. I love him so much. I don't want to leave them. How can I let Max love me knowing I'll die? He's been abandoned once already."

Alec felt something wet fall on his hand. He brought one to his cheeks. Silent tears had breached his eyes, falling down leaving trails on his face. 

"Alec, are you okay?" His sister asked.

"I'm not sure what to do, Izzy. I don't want to leave them behind, but this is overwhelming." 

Izzy sighed, "Alec, you will hang up and go wake up your fiancé. You will tell him how you feel. If anyone can help you come to terms with possible immortality, it is Magnus." 

"I can't do that to him. I can't get his hopes up to only dash them later on." 

"Alec, what is winding you up? Are you afraid of watching us die?" She questioned.

Alec shook his head. 

"Use your words, big brother. I can't see you, remember?" 

Alec took a deep breath, "No, I'm not afraid of that. I'm not looking forward to it but that isn't my fear." 

"You're making me work for it, aren't you?" 

"I don't express my feelings well. Magnus is the only person who sees this side of me." 

"Alec, I love you. You are my big brother. I look up to you in every way. You love me without condition. You listened to me when I complained about mom's disapproval. When I cried over a boy you held me and threatened to kill them. You were more of a parent to me than ours were, I never had to prove my worth to you. You're always there for me and Jace. Let me return the favor." 

Alec smiled at the memories of his sister, "You always put me in my place. Izzy, you never needed me to protect you. You let me." 

Izzy prodded, "Talk Alec. I won't judge you." 

"What if I become immortal and Magnus doesn't love me anymore? The urgency to cherish every moment gone."

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood. How could you think he'd fall out of love with you over immortality?" Izzy chided.

"He fell in love with a man with an expiration date. How can I be sure he'll feel the same once it's lifted?" Alec asked in a hushed tone. 

"Talk to him, Alec. If that is the only thing stopping you then you need to talk to him. Magnus fell for you the minute he saw you. Plus, this isn't something you need to decide tonight." 

Alec relaxed into the couch as he realized his sister was right. 

"As always, you are right. Thank you for talking me down from a freak-out." 

Izzy laughed, "I'm always here for you. Go talk to that fiancé of yours."

"Izzy, he is asleep. He took care of Max last night while I worked." 

"Go wake him up. This has been weighing on you for a while. He'll understand. Goodnight, Alec,"

The click of the phone caused him to pull the device away from his ear. He knew he had to have this discussion, but that didn't stop his trembling hands. Alec shook his body to rid himself of the nerves. Minutes passed before he walked towards their bedroom. He checked on Max who was sound asleep. The closer he got the bedroom door, the more his stomach turned in knots. 

"Here goes nothing," Alec said, pushing the door open.

Alec saw his fiancé under the sheets wearing one of his shirts. He would wear Alec's clothes when he was away. Nothing was more beautiful than Magnus in his clothes. Magnus still made Alec's breath catch in his throat. He made it to the edge of Magnus' side of the bed and placed a hand his back. 

"Babe, wake up," Alec begged

Magnus opened his eyes, his eyelids heavy, but when his eyes met Alec's, he sat up in bed. 

"What's wrong, Alexander? Is something wrong with Max? Did something happen?" Magnus confused by Alec's silence continued to question, "Darling, what is going on?" 

"I'm sorry to wake you, but I needed to talk. There's something I've had on my mind and..." Alec looked down as he wrung his hands. 

Magnus noticing the younger man's nerves took one of Alec's hands and kissed it when he brought it to his lips. 

"Alexander, what is troubling you? You know you can always confide in me." 

Alec overpowered with emotion pulled Magnus into his arms. His grip tightened as Magnus squealed in shock. Magnus prodded, 

"Sweetheart, you are worrying me. Please, Alexander, talk to me" 

Alec buried his face into the crook of Magnus' neck. Trying to memorize the feeling of having his fiancé in his arms. He felt as if Magnus was dematerializing from his grasp. He found the courage to speak. 

"I don't want to go, Magnus." 

"Alexander, forgive me. I don't understand what you mean."

Alec opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He could not say the words. Magnus kissed Alec's head and ran a hand through his dark hair. 

"Talk to me, angel." 

"Magnus, I don't want to die and leave you and Max behind. I held him in my arms and realized; one day I won't be here to protect him. I don't want to go," his breath hitched as he mumbled into Mangus' shoulder, "I don't want to leave." 

Magnus pushed Alec out of his arms, so he was able to look in Alec's eyes, but he was avoiding the warlock's gaze. Alec was gasping for air and tears were cascading down his cheeks. He was on the verge of a panic attack. Despite the painful reminder of Alec's mortality, he grabbed Alec's face with both hands. Hazel eyes leveled with his, nothing but fear written across them.

"Hey, Alexander, keep looking at me. Sweetheart. I won't let you go. Breathe. Honey. Breathe for me. Shh, I'm right here. In and out, my angel." 

Alec's breath evened out and Magnus brushed a few tears away with his thumb. He kissed Alec's forehead hoping to calm him. 

"That's it, darling. My beautiful Alexander, now that you've relaxed a bit, care to elaborate? I know there is more on your mind." 

Alec nodded as Magnus released his face from hold, "You're right. I have been thinking about my mortality. More so now that we've adopted Max. The concept of immortality never intrigued me until you came around. You'd never ask this of me but I've been thinking about becoming immortal. Not only for you but for our family."

A sad smile appeared on Magnus' face. 

"The concept of immortality is alluring. Living forever without worry of lost time; that is until you watch your mortal friends die. Each person takes a piece of your heart when they go. Alexander, you don't understand how lonely it is being immortal." 

It was Alec's turn to wipe away a tear from his lover's face. 

"You had no choice, Magnus. I understand that, but I wouldn't be alone. I'd have you, Max, and any other child we adopt. And I understand that immortal doesn't mean invincible. I've had this on my mind for some time. I'm not saying tomorrow morning we set off on a quest to make me immortal. Can we at least continue to think about it?" 

Magnus leaned into Alec, "Yes, we can, but you know that is may not be a possibility." 

"As long as I can say I did everything I could to stay with you. I could die without regret. Magnus, I love you and the family we are growing. I'm not delusional. The deaths of my siblings will hurt me regardless of my mortality. As a Shadowhunter, we knew the risk, but I wasn't prepared for you. Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, knocked me off the path I set for myself and changed my life. The only fear I have is that your love will change if I do. Will you still feel as passionate about us when there isn't an end?" 

Alec felt a soft slap against his shoulder. He could not read the expression on Magnus' face. 

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood. If I had the chance to have you in my life forever, I'd never let you go. As you said, immortality does not equate to being invincible. I'd cherish each day with you as I do now."

"Even if I forget to put my dirty clothes in the hamper?" Alec teased. 

Magnus leaned in to kiss Alec. When he pulled away, "Yes, darling. Even if you can't put your coffee cup in the sink. Or if you fail to notice my new highlights." 

Alec chuckled as Magnus came back for more, running a hand down Alec's stomach until he reached his crotch. Alec moaned as Magnus smirked into his lips. 

"Plus, if you think 60 years of sex with you is enough for me. Alexander, you are mistaken." 

Magnus was about to pull Alec on top of him when they heard, 

"DA! PAPA!" 

Alec called out, "Hold on, buddy. We are coming." 

"Cockblocked by my son. I thought it was a trait unique to your parabatai," Magnus whined. 

Alec stood up and held a hand towards his fiancé, "Come on. We will finish this discussion later. How about we battle Max's nightmares together?" 

Magnus smiled as he took Alec's hand. 

"Together. We make quite the team, don't we?"

"We always have. I love you, Magnus"

"I love you too, Alexander."

"Forever?"

"Forever"


End file.
